Worst Days
by davis395
Summary: Jo's POV if Dean had paid her a visit before getting carted off the hell. I dont own anyone or anything.
1. Chapter 1

It was one of the worst days of Jo's life. She was sitting in Bobby's living room while the people around her were talking quietly, reminiscing about the time Dean did this or the time he saved this persons ass. But Jo wasn't listening to their memories; she was remembering her own from just few weeks earlier.

Jo was wiping down the bar when Dean walked in the door. "Hey Jo"

"Hey Dean, what you doing here? Where's Sam?"

Dean looked nervous when he answered. "He's a couple town's over, passed out. Left him sleeping"

Jo couldn't help but be confused. The Dean she knew and loved, yes she could finally admitted it if not at least to herself that she had fallen for the jackass a long time ago, was never unsure around any female. Well except maybe Jo's mother, but she did have that effect on men. So when Dean gazed around the bar searching, she took pity on the hunter.

"Mom's out of town helping an old friend of the family. You can chill. So what can I get ya?"

"Shot of J.D."

Jo's eyebrows lifted. Dean usually left the hard stuff for only after a really bad hunt, she wanted to ask, but she knew he would talk in his own time, so she just poured to shot and pushed it in front of him.

"So what brings you to my neck of the woods?" Jo couldn't help but ask after Dean tossed back the whiskey.

"I did something Jo, something bad." Dean wouldn't look her in the eye; he just kept staring at the bottom of the glass.

"Is Sammy ok? I mean what's going on Dean?"

"I know this doesn't make sense Jo, but just listen ok?"

"Ok, but you're starting to scare me."

"Well get used to that feeling, but you remember the accident before my dad died?"

"Yeah your dad called a crossroads right, and you played Lazarus?" Jo knew it hurt him to talk about why his dad died, but she also knew better than to sugarcoat things with Dean, so she rarely censored herself around him.

He nodded at her for another shot and knocked it back before he spoke again, but this time he locked his eyes with hers, as if begging for her to understand. "Well father like son."

Jo froze, she searched Dean's eyes for any hint that it was a joke, but all she saw was the truth. "Dean what have you done?" Jo knew she was whispering but she didn't think she had the strength to speak any louder.

Still holding her gaze he answered. "I did what I have always done; I took care of my brother."

Jo could feel the tears start to gather in her eyes as Dean face became blurry, and normally would have wiped them away, but if she couldn't let go of the death grip on the bar. So instead she just let them fall silently. Dean hands came up to cup her cheeks, and when Jo leaned onto the touch, he used his thumbs to get rid to her tears.

"Tell me what happened."

"I failed. Dad told he to watch out for him, and I failed. He was too far away, I couldn't get to him in time, and he… he… he died in my arms, and it was my fault. I just couldn't let him go, not after my dad died to keep me alive to watch out for him. So I made a deal." Dean turned his back to her when he finished, like he couldn't stand to look at her. It pissed her off, and suddenly the strength Jo was missing earlier came back in full force. She walked around the bar, grabbed his shoulder and spun him back to face her.

"You idiot! You honestly think your father gave up his life just so you could play babysitter to Sam! He did it cause he loved you, you stupid stubborn ass!" When Jo saw that she wasn't getting thru to him she pulled back her fist and let it fly.

"What the fuck Jo!"

"Now if you're done with your pity party, we can start to work on getting you out of the mess you made of things." Turning around to walk back to the bar, she left Dean rubbing his jaw where she hit him.

"It's too late for that Jo."

Jo stopped walking but didn't look back. Still without turning she spoke. "What do you mean it's too late?"

"It wasn't your normal 10 year deal." Dean apparently tired of talking to her back, stepped in front of her.

It was Jo's turn not to be able to return the stare. "How long was it for then?"

When he didn't answer right away she looked up and saw a look on Dean's face she couldn't recognize. "Dam Jo. I'm sorry; I should have never come here tonight." With that he started towards the door.

He had just reached the door when a beer bottle smashed into the wall next to his head. "Fuck that Dean! You don't get to just drop this and run. Now answer me! How long?"

Dean let go of the door but instead of walk back to the bar, he leaned against the door. They stood that way for a few minutes before Dean motioned for her. "Come here." When Jo made no move, Dean surprised her again. "Please."

Jo moved slowly until she was right in front him. Dean took a deep breath. "A year. I had a year."

"Had? You had? Meaning you no longer have a year, so how much time do you have then? Cause I know you're an ass but you wouldn't tell me this if you didn't have at least a couple of months left, right. Dean? Right?"

She had never seen Dean's eyes so full of sadness when he answered her. Not even after his father died, his eyes were angry then. "A week Jo. Look I came to tell you something ok? Ya, I know I'm selfish asshole for this, but I needed you to know some stuff, about me."

Jo just started at him dumfounded. She couldn't wrap her head around the fact that A- Dean made a deal for his soul, B- he was going to die, and C- would not only be dead but by the end of the month. While she was looking at Dean, she realized that this was him saying good-bye. So she mentally shook herself back to reality, she needed to hear what he had to say.

"Now just listen first, just don't say anything." Taking another breath, "I never intended to tell you any of this, but I couldn't just leave it like this. Sam told me what Meg said to you in Duluth and I think you deserve to know the truth. "

Jo didn't want to hear how he thought of her as a sister, or some stupid school girl, not now. So she went to open the door to make him leave. But Dean grabbed her arm. "NO Jo. You need to hear this. I do care about you, hell I've had a thing for you since you punched me the first time. Now I'm not saying I love you, even if I did I'm not sure if I would know it or not, but your it for me. Ever since Duluth I've known that there wouldn't be anyone else again, but who I'm and with what I do… I just couldn't do that to you. I never thought I could every want to hurt Sam, but walking in and seeing what he did, I almost killed him."

"Why are you telling me this? What's the point?" Tears freely running down her face now.

"I just couldn't have you thinking that you meant nothing to me. I need to you know that if anything could have made me happy, that if anyone could have made look for something more out of life, it would have been you. If I could have ever had a normal life, I would have made it with you."

Jo didn't remember how they went from talking to her walking up alone in her bed, but she knew that Dean was gone. His side of the bed was still warm, but she somehow knew he left already. She rolled over to bury her face in the pillow he used, but stopped when she saw the note on the side table. When she picked it up a ring fell onto the bed.

_Wear it for me, but please don't mourn me for long. _

She picked up the ring he left, and saw that it was a simple silver band. Nothing fancy, like it just existed and that was enough. She slipped onto the ring finger of her right hand, and still has yet to take it off.

"Jo. Jo? JO!"

Jo looked up to see Sam standing in front of her. She looked around and realized that she was still as Bobby's, still at Dean's memorial, and that she was starting at the only Winchester left. "Yeah Sam?"

"Just wanted to say good-bye before I took off." She wanted to say something about the last time a Winchester said good-bye, but decided she wanted to keep her last moments with Dean to herself. She still hadn't told anyone that Dean had come to see her, and probably never would. So she sat on the edge of her seat for a whole week, waiting for her mom to tell her the news that Dean was dead. She didn't have to wait long. But looking back at Sam, she instantly recognized the look in his eyes. It was the same one Dean had worn when he talked about his father. Anger, hate, and self-loathing. She stood up quickly and got right in his face, just as angry as had been when she bitched at Dean for the same look.

"Don't you dare think you get to blame yourself for what he did! I swear to god if you go try something stupid I will hog tie your ass and beat the shit out of you! Do you hear me Sam?"

Sam for once wasn't calm, he was to pissed at himself for letting Dean down to care who he took his pain out on. And with Jo screaming in his face about something she had no business talking about, he just went on emotion.

"Whoa! He left me Jo! He didn't once stop to think what this would do to me. Not once! So why shouldn't I just go make a deal right now?"

"He left you? Yeah he did, but you left him first remember? His whole life was you Sam. YOU. Don't you get that? When you died, he didn't have a reason to breathe anymore. From the time your mother was killed, his soul responsibility was to keep you safe. And then what happened? He watched you die right in front of him, so what did you expect him to do huh? Say oops and move on. He made the deal cause he knew you could live without him, but he also knew he couldn't live without you. So fine go ahead make your damn deal, but know if you do, Deans death will be in vain and you'll be spitting on his grave."

Jo couldn't stand to look at him anymore, so she turned around to leave, but was stopped by her mom.

"Jo where do you think you're going?"

"I can't be here anymore, I have to…" Jo stopped. She didn't know what she was doing, but she needed to leave, to get away from everything. So she kissed her moms cheek, and without looking her in the eye, "love you mom, but I need to be alone. I'll see you back at the bar at some point. Please don't worry." With that she walked out of Bobby's house with everyone staring at her back.

Later that same night she was sitting in some random motel room bathroom waiting for the 5 minutes to be up. She knew that the chances were slim, hell she was only 2 days late, but she couldn't walk around without knowing any longer, so she got the test. She wasn't sure if she wanted it to be positive or not. No that was bullshit. She wanted this baby, if there was a baby, but she wasn't sure she could deal with it without Dean. One thing she did know was that if she was pregnant, she would be the only one to know it was Deans. She knew it was selfish, but she wasn't going to share the last piece of him with anyone else.

She smiled when she thought of how freaked he would be if he were alive right now. He would be pacing the room, muttering to himself about what Ellen was gona do to him, and pulling his hair out from stress. She was pulled from her fantasy when the alarm of her cell phone went off. Ok Harvelle moment of truth. She picked up the stick, and started to cry. A mother, she was going to be a mom. And not just any mother, the mother of Dean's only child. So maybe it wasn't the worst day of her life after all.

A/N---- I wrote this as the begining of a longer story, so if you want me to continue, please review, and I'll add chapters. But if not this will stay as a stand alone. Thanks for reading my first try at fanfic.

Daivs395


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N----- Just as an FYI, in this AU Ash never died, and there are other things I changed around cause it wouldn't go with the story in my head, but I'll let you know before they show up.**

**3 Months Later**

Jo had spent the last couple months thinking, planning, and just plain balling her eyes out. It didn't take her long after her initial joy to figure out that she was alone. She knew it was irrational, that she had her mom, Bobby, and Ash, hell even Sam if she told him, but she felt alone all the same. She couldn't help but wonder why fate would play such a trick on her and Dean. She spent years hoping that Dean would figure out all his drama and open his eyes and when she finally got her wish, she hated it. Even though he was basically on his own death watch when he told her, she would never doubt the feelings behind his words. But that didn't mean she had to like the fact that it took his impending death for him to man up. Then after finding out she was pregnant, she grieved the fact that Dean's death was the catalyst for the family he always wanted and now would never have.

Jo knew she had to deal with all of this before she returned to the Roadhouse or her mother would see right thru her mask. Jo wasn't too keen on the idea of lying to her mom about something this big, but she would have to get over that as well. She was going to protect her last piece of Dean from everyone, even her mother. She had thought about telling Ellen, but she could already see the looks of pity if she did. She could deal with that, but she didn't want her child to have too.

Now Jo was standing on in front of the Roadhouse bracing herself for what was to come. She hadn't called to check in, and never answered when someone tried to call her. At one point just tossed her cell and bought another. Her mom was going to be pissed, so she might as well just get it over with. When Jo reached to door she took a deep breath and walked in. The first thing she saw was Ash at the corner of the bar with his laptop, and she couldn't help but smile as she walked toward him. He must have felt eyes on him cause he shifted and looked around the crowed bar. When he spotted Jo his eyes bugged out.

"Holy Shit!" Ash jumped off his bar stool and almost squeezed the life out of her, but when he pulled away he had a confused look on his face and was staring at her stomach. Jo forgot had forgot her bump, she was about 4 months along and her small frame was not helping to disguise her condition.

"Ahhh Jo, I'm real happy your home, but you might want to tell your fella to start runnin, cause your mama's gona kill him."

Ashes words struck a nerve, but Jo pushed the pain back like she had been practicing, and took another calming breath before answering.

"That won't be a problem. There is no fella." She saw his eyes get wider and was going to explain but someone cut the music.

"JOANNE BETH HARVELLE!" Jo froze, then slowly turned around and watch as the crowd made a path for her mother as she came striding towards Jo.

I can't believe it! That child thinks she can just walk into this bar, and start chatting with Ash like nothing happened. Like hell! Ellen walked over to the jukebox and ripped the cord from the wall. "JOANNE BETH HARVELLE!"

She saw Jo freeze then turn, Ellen thought Jo looked petrified. She better be scared, after 3 months and not a single word!

"Hey mom, I was gona…" Jo started weakly, but Ellen cut her off with a wave of her hand.

"No! You be quite. Ash watch the bar, me and the prodigal daughter are gona have a nice chat upstairs." She didn't even bother to see if Jo followed her or not, she just headed for the stairs. As Ellen made her way up the old stairs to wait for Jo, she noticed someone plugged to music back in.

Jo took a look at Ash before following her mother. She knew she was going to get it, and after the last few months of silence, she knew she deserved it. So her plan was to just let her mom rage and not say a word, but she was I little nervous about her ability to keep her mouth shut. She had grown up a little while away, but she still had a temper. So when she reached the top of the stairs, and headed to her mother's room, she was shocked to see her mom in tears. It had only happened a few times in Jo's life, so it was always disconcerting to see.

"Mom?"

Ellen looked up, and pulled Jo in for a crushing hug. Jo couldn't help but hug her back, she had spent so much time alone, she craved the human contact. It wasn't long before Ellen put her away and started yelling.

"Where the hell have you been! You think you could just take off and not give a single indication to where you're going? Do you know have any idea the thoughts going thru my head these past months! Vampires, werewolves, demons, poltergeist, and only god knows what else could have gotten you, and I wouldn't have known the dam difference!" Ellen kept going, but Jo found it very easy to just let her ramble and let her mind wander.

"Well what to have to say for yourself?" Jo realized it was her turn to talk but was cut off. "You know what I don't care! You shouldn't have run away! You should have…" That was it, Jo was pissed. Yes she left, but she didn't run away. She just needed time dammit!

"Mom. Mom. MOM!" No matter how loud Jo yelled, she wasn't going to get Ellen's attention. So Jo did something she knew would be a bad idea, but it would shut her mom up. She striped off her T- shirt, and waited, hands on her hips, for her mother to notice.

"You never answered any of my… JO!" Jo watched as her moms eyes took in her stomach, then snap up to glare at her. "That better be from eating your dam feelings!"

"No its not." Jo said in what she hoped was a calm voice, but she knew she failed. Ellen spun around and walked back towards the stairs leading to the bar. "Where are you going?" Jo was scrambling to get her top back on.

"I'm going to shoot whoever put my daughter in the family way without a ring first."

Jo felt like she was sucker punched. She instinctively started to fiddle with the ring that Dean gave her. That was just like Dean, always doing it backwards. She quickly got her emotions in check before she spoke again.

"Mom please stop and listen to me. STOP!"

Ellen turned around, eyes wide in surprise. "You won't be shooting anyone, cause there isn't anyone to shoot." Jo was happy to finally tell the truth, even if it was the only one in her story.

Ellen's stance became very stiff. "And EXACTLY what does that mean?"

Jo took a minute to debate one last time before lying, but in the end there was no question. So she told the best lie she could cook up. "I was really messed up the first couple weeks after I left, I didn't want to deal with it, so I didn't. I threw myself into hunting, anything and everything. I wasn't my best idea, but I wasn't thinking then and I know that now. But at the time it worked." She wasn't lying about hunting, it did take the pain away for while, but then reality would set in. Jo kept talking to keep her mom from interrupting. "One night I finished a job, and I got drunk, really drunk. I remember going back to my room with a man, but not much else till the next morning. It wasn't for another 2 weeks till I found out."

"Why didn't you come home? Why did you wait so long?" Jo could hear the hurt in Ellen's voice even though her face was impassive, and it nearly made her cry, but she held back.

"I needed time to figure it all out. I just found out I was going to be a mother; I couldn't go running home like a child needing to be bailed out. I know I always said I'm a grown woman, but I wasn't, not really. But after Dean, and now the baby… I needed to wake up and get real. So I stayed away until I knew I could honestly a real mother to this baby. So please can you be my mother now? Cause I could really use her." Jo hated asking for help so she hoped her mom took that as a sign.

Jo waited for her mother to make a decision; she didn't have to wait long. While she knew that her pregnancy would never be a problem with for her mom, Jo was worried about how long it would take her to stop being angry with her for keeping it a secret. Ellen gave Jo a long look, followed by another bruising hug. "Ok, I'm gona be a grandmother." Ellen stepped back and put her hands on Jo's belly. "So I won't have to worry about some man showing up looking for my grandbaby?"

Jo made herself blush for this next part, which really wasn't that hard, she just had to think of her last night with Dean, and her face turned a bright pink. "Ah no, he was kind of gone when I woke up and the only part of his name I have is that it started with a D." She hated lying, but she had to sell it or her mother would never let it go. When Jo looked up she could see the understanding in her eyes, and it made Jo feel even worse, so she turned away.

Ellen thinking Jo was embarrassed said. "Now Jo you know I ain't going to judge you. We both know I can't expect you to be an angel, cause god knows I wasn't."

"MOM!"

"Oh hush, now you gona tell me what you plan on doing? And how far along are you? You look about 4 months."

"Hey! I'm only 3 months; the kid is just gona end up being huge!" Jo lied once again.

"And honestly, I have no idea, but I know that I love this baby" Jo cradled her unborn baby, "and will do anything to protect them. So until their born, I'm not going to worry about it and I know it's not really a plan but it's what I got. "

Ellen closed her eyes as if praying for patience's, and took a deep breath. "Ok."

"OK?" Jo was surprised that her mother wasn't putting up more of a fight.

"Yep ok. Now let's get downstairs before Ash gives away all my beer."

When they got downstairs Jo fell right back into working the bar. She had to answer some questions from a bunch of the hunters that she had known since she was a kid, but she had that lie memorized too.

"So Jo where am I going to find the coward who got that bun in your oven?" A hunter named Jeremy, who taught her to play darts, asked while ignoring Ellen's glare. Ash was about to step in when Jo answered for herself.

"I'm not sure but if you find him, you might want to tell about the baby before you actually kill him." Her comment caught the attention of a couple of people including her mom and Ash. Her mother just raised her eyebrows questioningly. Ash, having not been told anything, was as curious as the other hunters as to how she got pregnant. Jo sent her mom a look saying that she would explain later. Ash saw the look and gave his own to Ellen showing that he refused to be left out.

"You mean the guy doesn't even know he knocked you up?" Another hunter named Keith asked.

Ash did step in then. "You fellas really think that this any of your business?"

Everyone but Ash and Jo looked over to Ellen to see what she had to say, but she just turned around, walked into the backroom of the bar and shut the door. The hunters took Ellen's departure as a sign that it was up to Jo if she wanted to answer. They all looked at Jo expectantly.

Ash was watching the girl he always thought of as a sister, waiting for answers like everyone else within earshot. He wasn't sure what was going on but after spending the past couple hours with her, he could tell there was something different about her. He didn't know if it was because Dean died, the baby or a combination of both. But one thing he did know was he was that she wasn't the same girl, no girl didn't fit any more. She was definitely a woman now, maybe that was it.

When she finally answered Keith's question he noticed she was twisting a ring on her finger. That was something else too; he had never known Jo to be into jewelry.

"No he has no clue, and can almost guarantee that he never will."

Ash couldn't help but be surprised by her answer, not the words but the absolute certainty in her voice. Ash smiled to himself. Oh yeah, Jo-Jo was definitely up to something and he was never one to just let a mystery like that go.

**A/N------ Sorry about the delay, but I didn't think I would be continuing the story so I hadn't nothing when I was asked for more. Lol. Please tell me what you think, be honest if you don't like the direction I'm going in. I know there's no Dean in this chapter, but I promise he will show up. Thanks for reading. **

**Davis395**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: sorry for the delay but they say the 3****rd**** chapter is always the hardest. Next I'm working on the prequel to Alone, the Night Before, so keep an eye out.**

**1 month later September 17****th****.**

Jo was digging in her purse for the keys while waiting for Ash; they were going to be late if he didn't hurry. Jo had made it a point to take Ash to her doctor's appointments instead of her mother, who she knew would ask questions, while Ash was happy just to sit in the truck. He said he thought of Jo as a sister meaning she didn't have sexual organs, Jo had laughed but Ellen cut him off of the rest of that day.

"ASH! LET'S GO!"

"He won't be joining you."

Jo spun around, her hand automatically going for the knife at her hip. She might be pregnant but she ain't stupid. Before her was an early 30's, decent looking man in a khaki trench over a rumpled suit. She went with instinct, and threw the knife across the bar that was separating them, where it met its mark in the man's chest. He looked down at the handle and pulled it out, placing it on the table next to him.

"Joanna we do not have time for this."

"MOM! ASH!"

"I already told you. Ash and your mother are resting."

"What the hell does that mean?"

Jo was pissed. A-the dude in front of her wasn't dead. B-she was apparently all alone in the bar with a guy that wasn't dead. C-she was 5 months pregnant and hormonal.

"I have not harmed them, nor will I. Now please Joanna we must speak."

"Call me Jo."

Jo responded distracted, trying to see if she could run for the backroom, when his words caught up with her.

"Who are you? And what the hell do you want?"

"Who I am is not important, but whose child you're carrying is."

Jo's eyes widened. This was another reason she kept her mouth shut about Dean, she didn't want to deal with anyone or anything that had a grudge against the Winchesters. It was just too dangerous for the baby.

"I don't even know the answer to that million dollar question."

"We both know that is a lie Joanna. The fact that you are carrying the next generation of Winchester has altered many destinies. Including yours."

Jo was starting to get a little freaked out. Jo put a protective hand over her belly.

"Winchester? I don't know what your talkin bout."

The man looked at her as if trying to see thru her. It was creeping her out.

"The ring on your finger is Dean's is it not?"

Jo looked down at her right hand where the ring had left a tan line on her finger. Jo knew she couldn't lie about that.

"Ok, so the kids Dean's but he's dead so what does that have to with anything?"

"You and Dean were never to have carnal knowledge of one another, by the creation of the child you have left us blind."

"Wait, what do you mean 'were never'? And who's 'we'? Blind to what?"

"There is no time to explain, we must…"

"Fuck that! This is my kid your talkin bout, so you better start talkin!"

The man, if that was what he was, looked honestly confused. Jo would have laughed if she wasn't so pissed.

"There is no-"

"If the next word outa your mouth is TIME, I'ma break every bone in your body!"

"Joanna, I can not explain, but you will know soon enough."

Jo was tired of this. She wasn't getting any answers, which just pissed her off more. She was grinding her teeth when she spoke.

"Fine. If you're not here to tell me what the hell is going on, why are you here?"

The man looked oddly relived.

"I have come to make a deal for Dean's release from perdition."

Jo froze. All the anger drained from her body, in fact all emotion left her, and it was all she could do to keep breathing. Dean. Free. Dean free.

"What?"

The word was barely a whisper on her lips.

"I will retrieve Dean from perdition, only on the condition that you never reveal the true paternity of the child to him."

The numb disbelief that consumed her just moments before was replaced with a rage so strong she shook. How dare he! How dare he think he can do this? To her. To Dean! If he brought, no when he brought Dean back, how was she going to lie to him. How was she suppose to deny him his child. She couldn't, it was that simple. She refused to do that to him, to take away the only thing he ever wanted for himself. So what does she do? What can she do? Now that she knew she could get Dean back, there was nothing that was going to stop her from making it happen, even if it meant lying to the man standing in front of her. Jo was interrupted by the man calling her name.

"Joanna, I must have an answer."

"All I have to do is not tell Dean the baby's his, and he'll be free? What if he figures it out on his own? You send him packin?"

Anger dripping from every word.

"Yes. You remain silent, he will be freed, and nor will he figure it out."

Jo's head snapped up.

"What does that mean?"

"It is none of your concern."

Jo took another minute.

"Fine. Deal. Now go get him."

The man look disappointed.

"Joanna, why must you lie?"

Once again Jo played dumb.

"I don't know what you're talkin about?"

"I am sorry Joanna, but you and the child will be a distraction, one we can not afford."

"Who the hell is 'we'? And why haven't you left yet? GO GET DEAN!"

"I will but first we must seal the deal."

Jo actually curled her lip in disgust.

"You want me to KISS you?"

"No, I only need to touch you."

Jo didn't like the idea but she held herself still as the man stepped up. When he went to put his hand on her forehead he paused, looking her in the eye.

"Why did you lie Joanna? It would have been better if you were honest. Now they will suffer with you for your sin."

Before Jo could say anything, the white closed in around her.

**A/N: I know this chapter is shorter than the others, but it was difficult to get what I wanted to happen without also making ya'll pissed at me. lol. I also wanted to try a cliffy. Thanks for reading, and plz review. If you do, plz leave any suggestions behind thanks. **

**Davis395**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Sooooo sorry about the delay, but i had to get this just right. Don't worry i have the next couple chapters maped out, i just have to write them. Also i'm working on the prequel to Alone- Night Before, that will most likely end up a multi-chapter as well. **

**A/N2: The name that's about to show up is pronounced ne-va. The 1st part sounds like the word knee, just an FYI. **

Slowly the white was fading from her vision and Jo had a fuzzy hand waving in front of her face. She had the impression someone was talking to her but she was unable to understand. She was too busy trying to remember to breathe. In. Out. In. Out. The voice got louder but Jo was now actively blocking out the words. She could feel hands on her now as the world came into painful focus. Her mother was asking her what was wrong; Ash was almost supporting all her weight. They walked her over to a chair and sat her down.

"Jo honey? Are you ok? Is it the baby?"

The word baby brought Jo to full conscience. Her hands instantly wrapped around her swollen middle. When she felt the life under fingers Jo managed to speak.

"No. The baby's fine."

The frustration on Ellen's face was clear.

"Then what the hell just happened?"

"I don't know. I can't remember."

Jo looked to her mom with a desperation she didn't understand. She couldn't remember anything after yelling at Ash. She could remember what she felt, anger, some hope, but then terror. The only thing left was the terror, bone deep terror that something was wrong.

"You can't remember? What can't you remember? You went zombie on us for like 10 minutes."

"ASH! Stop it. Go cancel Jo's appointment."

When Ash stood there stubbornly, Ellen just glared until he left to make the call. Ellen turned back to Jo, and kneeled in front of her.

"What's he mean 'zombie'?"

Jo again had desperation in her voice, but she was too scared to care. Ellen had one hand cupping Jo's face the other she settled on her stomach as if to reassure that both her babies were fine.

"Baby, we found you just standin in the middle of the bar, starin into space. You didn't even blink, you were stone still, but felt a fire. If you hadn't been breathin, I woulda thought you were dead."

Jo's eyes filled with tears. She didn't remember any of this.

"Why can't I remember?"

"I don't know. What do you remember last?"

Jo thought about it, she was waiting for Ash to drive her to her appointment. Jo stopped, why would Ash take her and not her mother, it made no sense. She skimmed over that for now. She tried to think of what happened next, but all she had where emotions.

"I called for Ash, then… then white, just white. You know the rest. Mom it felt like seconds. I know it was longer, there were too many emotions to fit in such short time, but it feels like nothing."

Now that Jo was letting her hunter instincts over ride the terror, Jo could tell that 'nothing' was a perfect word to describe what the terror was leaving behind. A nothing filling her. She once again couldn't remember what was in the nothing's place before the white, but part of her was aching for it back.

"Mom."

"What baby?"

"What if it…"

Jo couldn't say it.

"It what?"

"Nothing. I'm thinking."

"Joanna Beth, this is not the time for you pride. You keep sayin you're grown, so act it. Now tell me."

Jo steady herself, if she had to say it out loud, she refused to say it like a child.

"What if it could take part of me?"

"Part of you?"

Jo looked into her mother's eyes.

"If it could steal part of my soul."

Ellen blinked, clearly not expecting her daughter words, but she recovered quickly.

"Why you ask?"

"Cause I know something's missin. I don't know what it is, but it's gone."

Ellen stared hard at her daughter for a long time before nodding. Ellen strode to the phone.

"Mom?"

"Shush."

Ellen dialed and waited until the other line picked up.

"Bobby? It's Ellen. Yea hold on a sec, I got some questions for you."

Ellen put her hand over the phone, to look at Jo.

"Jo go lay down. No, do as you're told, I can tell you after what Bobby thinks, but you're goin to go rest."

Jo finally nodded her head after a while, she was tried and she wanted to think, so she started for the stairs. She could hear her mom on the phone with Bobby, but ignored their voices as she made her way up. When she reached the top floor she went to the bathroom to splash some water on her face. When she did a flash of reflective light caught her eye. She looked down to her right hand and found a sliver band on her ring finger, and she couldn't for the life of her remember where she got it.

The mocha skinned woman would have been frustrated, if she was capable of emotions, by the angel standing in front of her. If she had known that Castiel would run to their superiors when she told him of the change in the Harvelle woman destiny, and known their reaction, she would have never informed him. Neva had one job and that was to watch the destinies of those involved with the Winchesters, it was a tedious job, and almost never required any action on her part. But this was different. Neva spent the last couple decades watching the lives of the Harvelle's, along with the Singer man, and refused to let their lives played with. She did not know what she could do but she would do something to rectify her mistake.

"Do you realize what you have done? If I was not blind to the outcome I am now."

"I had my orders. Are you questioning the wisdom of our superiors?"

"No, but your actions will have great unforeseen effects."

"I am aware of what could happen, but you yourself have told me that you could not see what the effect of the child or the lack of Joanna's death will have on the Winchester's lives."

"Yes, but I also stated that the Winchester's destinies as vessels did not change, making it unnecessary to rearrange their memories."

"The Winchester's destinies are not your charge, thus none of your concern. Our superiors felt my actions were needed to keep the apocalypse from coming to pass. They need Dean to focus on the Seals, the woman and child would be an unwanted distraction."

"And what of the lives of the child and Joanna? I cannot see what will happen to them. If we know the child is a Winchester, Lucifer will too. How can they protect the child if they are unaware of the danger?"

"The child will be protected."

"By whom? Your charge is Dean, who else is able?"

"You. It was discussed, and you were assigned."

Neva was quite as she thought this thru. She had never actually interacted with humans, her job was to watch, but she saw this as an opportunity to try and atone for the mess she made of the Harvelle's life.

"I will report immediately."

The angel of destiny turned to formulate a plan, but was stopped by Castiel.

"One word of warning, do not become attached, do not become involved, your job is to watch over, not to interfere."

Neva looked at the man when she saw what he was to do next, and it would have made her heartbreak if she had one.

"Is that how you live with what you are about to do to him? By being unattached? Is that what you tell yourself?"

"They are my orders."

Neva turned and walked.

Castiel watched as Neva walked away. He knew he should have protested her involvement with his superiors, but he would have to have faith. Faith that what they were doing was right, that they could protect the child, as well as faith that what he was about to do would not destroy the man meant to be the Michael's Sword. He was well briefed on the eldest Winchester, his past, his family, friends, and his stay in hell, a stay that Castiel was going to end momentarily. Castiel concentrated and found himself standing in the pit, looking a man currently on exhibit on the rack in front of him. The man seemed to notice his presence and looked up at him.

"Hello Dean. I am an angel of the Lord, but you may call me Castiel. Are you ready to go home?"

**A/N3: Thanks for reading, and do me a huge favor, drop me a review if you alerted the story. It'll let me know your still reading. OOOOO and before i forget there is a poll for this story on my profile, sooo go Vote! lol**

**Davis395**


	5. Chapter 5

Dean was once again at home, well what he now called home. Home was the rack that he only seemed to leave to rip people to shreds. He never in his life thought that this was where he would end up. After a life of hunting he figured he would die from some hell spawn, and then enjoy his afterlife with his parents. But instead he was in hell torturing and being tortured.

He had been in the middle of a long line of other souls, or as they called it the 'falay express', when they gave him a slim blonde woman and he froze. It happened every time, hell it's the only reason that he ever gets sent 'home' now a days. The second he gets a glimpse wavy corn silk hair his mind travels back to the real world. He remembers their one night together, he wonders what she's doing, if she's ok, and then he thinks of what she would think if she knew what he was doing to these people. That's when he freezes. He can block himself out when they send him back to work, he shuts down the real Dean and just follows his survival instincts, but those scared brown eyes shock him back every time. That's when he is sent to 'timeout' as he calls it. It's when they start all over again with his training. It took them years to break him, but he did break, and then after the first of the blondes, it took them almost a whole another year to re-train him. Now that time seems to get shorter and shorter.

While Dean was waiting for his usually punishment for freezing up again to start, he was going over every detail of the night with her in his head. He long ago forgot her real name and how he knew her, but he knew she loved him, and was pretty sure he loved her. He remembered they had fought, what she smelled like, what she sounded like moaning his name, and just how to get her eyes to light up with delight. That's when the dude in the monkey suit showed up.

Dean looked up when he felt he was being stared at.

"Hello Dean. I am an angel of the Lord, but you may call me Castiel."

Dean started to laugh.

"Really? An angel of the Lord huh? Well this is definitely a new one! So you gona get my hopes up then start the slicin and dicein?"

"I do not understand, nor do I have the time too. You must listen to me Dean."

"Right, why don't we just skip the bull and get on with it huh? I got a hair appointment in a couple hours."

"Dean, I am here to raise you back to Earth, but you must listen to me now, and carefully."

Dean was staring at the man as if he had sprouted another pair of arms. No it's just another trick; he's just full of it.

"Why should I believe you?"

"Because I know what's in your heart Dean. I know why you freeze, I know who you think of every time you're on the rack, I know what you have never been able to voice to another soul."

Dean narrowed his eyes at the stranger in suspicion. He had never told anyone why he froze, he had them thinking it was an act of defiance. He didn't know what to believe, his captures had never tried to dangle freedom before, but he wouldn't put it past them.

"Once again dude, why should I believe you? I'm kinda literally in the pit of despair."

"We do not have time for your lack of faith, you must listen. I can bring you back, but you must understand the consequences of your past. Your actions have lead to still unknown repercussions. Do you understand?'

"Ummmm big fat nope."

The man got a look on his face that if it was any other person Dean would have said it was anyonce, but on this 'angel' it looked as if he was trying to solve a rubics cube in his head. It was kinda funny looking.

"Dean I will return you to the living plane if you agree to atone for the situation you have had a hand in created."

"So you're tellin me that if I 'atone', whatever that hell that means, then I get to live again?"

"Yes."

"That simple? And I keep my soul?"

"Yes."

Dean stared at the man for a couple minutes, trying to decide if he was on the level. Then he thought of what he could do topside again. He could find her again; he could find the others whose names he had forgotten, all the while 'atoning'. Even if it is a trick, what else could they do to him?

"Alright deal. Now get me outta here."

"We must seal the deal, and no I do not wish to kiss you. A simple touch to the forehead will do."

Dean looked at the chains that held him in place, then back at the man.

"Well it ain't like I'm goin anywhere. Let's get this over with shall we?"

The man walked over and raised his hand but before he touched Dean he whispered almost too low for him to hear.

"Father forgive me for what I do in your name."

Dean tried to jerk back, but all he saw was a smiling blonde with a round belly, and then nothing for a bright white light.

**A/N: ok so Dean has finally made an appearance lol sorry about the wait, but my life is hectic. Also I have about 20 alerts for this story, and only 8 votes about the sex of the baby. Anyone else having trouble with the math? So if you have alerted, do me a favor and go vote. As always thanks for reading, but try to leave a review lol. **

**Davis395**


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